I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
