All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
