i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
