Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
