Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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