Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
