i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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