new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
