I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize