I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
