Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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