wrigley field is MILF paradise
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
