Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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