So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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