I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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