I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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