so that wasnt chicken after all
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
