Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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