Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I cockslap morals
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I need moral support for this bender
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
