Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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