Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize