what is it with giant penises always finding me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
True college students do jello shots in the library
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
