I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
