I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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