Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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