Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
