I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
