I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
