Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize