my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
