Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
