I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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