We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
