I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
