remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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