please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
