we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
