Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
