At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
