when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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