I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
