STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
