in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You left your phone here
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