I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize