i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize