im drinking this country out of the recession.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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