I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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