I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
