the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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