Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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