you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
