yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
