id be glad to
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
