Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I could make wine with my vomit
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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