wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
