I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
