How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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