Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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