Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
