Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
