I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
