i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
