I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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