I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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