No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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