dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize