the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
