I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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