this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize