The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
