i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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