On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
