I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
