I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize