I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize