I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize