Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
