don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
