somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
