Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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