Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
