if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
