I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
