You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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