you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize