Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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