Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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