There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
