Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
