some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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