This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
