Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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