Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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