Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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