Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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