At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
