OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize