I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
