great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
